Jokes.
We have the best jokes in the city.
Boy: I’m sorry. I struggle with premature infatuation… and you looked so beautiful.
Girl: It’s ok.
Boy: Did you... say you loved me too?
Girl: Umm, no.
I have never lied in my life. On the rare occasion that I don’t want to answer a question I burst into a high pitched shriek. I model my life after Abraham Lincoln meets a crow.
— They say caffeine is as addictive as cocaine, as they rail lines of matcha powder in a bathroom stall hoping to score with the Mickey Mouse tattoo clad bottle girl with the scar on her face.
— They say sugar is as addictive as cocaine, as they shoot pixie sticks and stick sour keys up their butts hoping to score with the Hello Kitty tattoo clad barista/ freelance social media marketer with the facial tick and birth mark on her neck the approximate size and shape of Italy.
They say Superheroes have unrealistic body types in movies these days.
They also have unrealistic powers. I wouldn’t model your relationship with gravity off Superman either.
It takes more muscles in your face to frown than to smile. A more complete workout.
“IKEA” sounds like someone’s battle cry as they karate chop, and my karate chop feels like you tried to assemble a cabinet.
I am suspicious of a smile. It says: I’m happy and nice. The last thing that said I’m happy and nice tried to eat my heart like a praying mantis.
They say shoot for the moon and even if you miss you’ll hit the stars. So I shot for the moon but apparently the BB missed the stars and came back down and killed my neighbor’s labradoodle.